I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
