Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize