I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
