he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
