I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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