i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
