a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
