the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize