I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
