so that wasnt chicken after all
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Too much gin, very little bucket
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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