wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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