It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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