I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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