i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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