So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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