WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
