if you like me you must not know who I am
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
