Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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