i jhust puked up my retainher.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ugly people sure do ruin things
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My dick has a subreddit
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
