dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize