he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
