forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
