I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
