I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
