I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
