I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
