So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
