Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
