I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize