I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My cat gives me a boner
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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