ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
