you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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