My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
