I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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