do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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