This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
