When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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