Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
