Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
