3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
