i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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