he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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