i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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