My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
