Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Are my feet made of real feet?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
