9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
