ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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