Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize