i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize