my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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