It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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