The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
