I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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