i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
