: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
