guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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