i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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