batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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