If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
