after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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