He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we're making bets on your personal life
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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