I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize