u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
