i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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