I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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