I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
