im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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