i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
