pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
