I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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