I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize