I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
