I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
