at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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