So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
