It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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