She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
