so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize