Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
