You're my little dorito
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh god it's open bar.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
