i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
