dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this will be a night to untag.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
