idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
