Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
