Swine flu is the new snow day.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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