Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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