Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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