Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
