I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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