I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
