my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So squirting runs in the family.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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