You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i believe in u and ur pee
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
