I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
