You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
