He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We need to get me chipped asap
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
