I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
