Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
