Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
