Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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