My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
