Well apparently he's into motor boating.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
