And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
