I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
