at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
