We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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