mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
